Editing Interpersonal attraction (section)

==Types of attraction==
[[Split attraction model]] describes different types of attraction separating different aspects of experiences people may have. They can roughly be grouped into physical and non-physical. Physical being: sexual, sensual, aesthetic... Non-physical may include emotional, mental (intellectual), spiritual...

Sensual attraction is a type of physical attraction to another person involving all the senses, although usually the sense of touch is considered first of all. Sensual attraction is defined as the drive, desire to have non-sexual forms of touch such as sensual cuddling, kissing, holding hands, hugging, massage etc. with another person in particular and other sensual activities like experiencing their voice, odor, taste. Asensual  (sometimes known in short as asen) is an identity on the asensual spectrum (asen-spec) defined by a lack of sensual attraction. For non-asensual also known as allosensual people, sensual attraction is involuntary, and possibly even occurs when someone does not know the other person (though one might not act on it). Asensual people do not have this innate desire to have sensual experiences with any specific person.
Asensuality refers to the way sensual attraction is experienced, not to how it is acted upon. How asensual people feel about touching others and/or being touched by others and other sensual activities can vastly vary. They may feel disconnected from the idea of engaging in sensual activities or even be repulsed by the concept of sensuality. Terms like touch-averse/repulsed, touch-indifferent, touch-favorable, or touch-ambivalent can be used to describe some of these feelings. Some asensual people do engage in sensual activities involving other people. This could be for any reason, such as satisfying overall sensual drive not directed toward a particular person, meeting their sensory needs or those of a friend, partner/partners. They may also meet their sensory needs by using a weighted or heated blanket, cuddling with a stuffed animal or pet etc. Being asensual does not mean that one is unable to experience other types of attraction like sexual, aesthetic, emotional etc. including they may very much enjoy sexual activities. It is also important to remember that one can receive pleasure usually associated with a form of attraction without actually feeling that form of attraction. The term "asensual" can also be used as an umbrella term to describe someone on the asensual spectrum.

Some identities on the asensual spectrum are Asenflux, Greysensual (Grey Asen), Demisensual, Aegosensual, Cupiosensual, Homosensual etc.

=== Chemistry ===
In the context of relationships, chemistry is a simple emotion that two people get when they share a special connection. It is very early in one's relationship that they can [[Intuition (psychology)|intuitively]] work out whether they have positive or negative chemistry.<ref name="psychologytoday5">{{cite web|author=Campbell, Kelly|title= Relationship Chemistry: Can Science Explain Instant Connections? |work=More Than Chemistry |date=August 21, 2011 |publisher=Psychology Today |url=http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/more-chemistry/201108/relationship-chemistry-can-science-explain-instant-connections|accessdate=September 11, 2012 |url-status=live |archive-url=https://archive.today/20130419131654/http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/more-chemistry/201108/relationship-chemistry-can-science-explain-instant-connections |archive-date= 19 April 2013 }}</ref>

Some people describe chemistry in [[metaphorical]] terms, such as "like peanut butter and jelly", or "like a performance".<ref>{{cite web|date=2009-11-26|title=What's the Definition of Chemistry in a Relationship – Is it Love?|url=http://marriagecounseloraustin.com/articles/chemistry-relationship-love-define/ |first1=David |last1=Cantu |website=Marriage Counselor Austin |accessdate=September 11, 2012|archive-date=2012-10-13|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20121013005530/http://marriagecounseloraustin.com/articles/chemistry-relationship-love-define/|url-status=live}}</ref> It can be described in the terms of mutual feelings — "a connection, a [[Human bonding|bond]] or common feeling between two people", or as a chemical process — "[it] stimulates love or [[sexual attraction]]...[[Neurotransmitter|brain chemicals]] are definitely involved".<ref name="psychologytoday5"/> A common misconception is that chemistry is an [[Unconscious cognition|unconscious decision]], informed by a complex blend of criteria.<ref name="chemistry2">{{cite web|author=Neumann, Kimberly Dawn|title=How Much Does Chemistry Count?|url=http://www.chemistry.com/datingadvice/DoesChemistryCount |website=Chemistry |accessdate=September 11, 2012|archive-date=May 30, 2012|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20120530110708/http://www.chemistry.com/datingadvice/DoesChemistryCount|url-status=dead }}</ref>

Some of the core components of chemistry are: "non-judgment, similarity, mystery, attraction, mutual trust, and effortless communication".<ref name="psychologytoday5"/> Chemistry can be described as the combination of "love, [[lust]], [[infatuation]], and a desire to be involved intimately with someone".<ref name="chemistry2" />

Research suggests that "not everyone experiences chemistry", and that "chemistry occurred most often between people who are down-to-earth and sincere". This is because "if a person is comfortable with themselves, they are better able to express their true self to the world, which makes it easier to get to know them...even if perspectives on important matters differed." Sharing similarities is also deemed essential to chemistry as "feeling understood is essential to forming relational bonds."<ref name="psychologytoday5"/>

There are various psychological, physical and emotional symptoms of having good chemistry with another person. It has been described as a "combination of basic psychological arousal combined with a feeling of pleasure". The nervous system gets aroused, causing one to get adrenaline in the form of "rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, and sensations of excitement that are often similar to sensations associated with danger". Other physical symptoms include "blood pressure go[ing] up a little, the skin...flush[ing], the face and ears...turn[ing] red and...[a] feeling of weakness in the knees". However, all these symptoms vary on an individual basis, and not all individuals may experience the same symptoms. One can feel a sense of obsession over the other person, longing for "the day [when they return] to that person". One can also uncontrollably smile whenever thinking about the other person.<ref name="psychologytoday5"/>

There is some debate over whether one can artificially create chemistry if they are "not initially feeling it". While some people hold that it is something that you "can't learn and can't teach...[and you] either have...or you don't", others hold that chemistry is a process rather than a moment, "build[ing] up and adds up and eventually you get this kind of chemical bonding". Some people, while believing it is possible to artificially create chemistry, think that it is better to let chemistry hit them spontaneously.<ref name="psychologytoday5"/>

In Western society, chemistry is generally considered the "igniter [and] catalyst for the relationship", i.e., without this chemistry, there can be no relationship.<ref name="psychologytoday5"/> Having chemistry "can be the difference between a relationship being romantic or platonic". Chemistry "can cause people to act sexually impulsively or unwisely". It can also be the difference between someone remaining faithful in their relationship, and seeking one night stands and affairs.<ref name="voices.yahoo3">{{cite web|author=Baldwin, Elizabeth|date=November 21, 2007|title=Spark of Chemistry in a Romantic Relationship: Organic or Developed?|url=http://voices.yahoo.com/spark-chemistry-romantic-relationship-organic-662755.html |website=Yahoo! Voices |url-status=dead|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20130805200452/http://voices.yahoo.com/spark-chemistry-romantic-relationship-organic-662755.html|archive-date=August 5, 2013|accessdate=September 11, 2012}}</ref>

Dating coach Evan Marc Katz suggests that "chemistry is one of the most misleading indicators of a future relationship. Chemistry predicts nothing but chemistry." This is because chemistry can make people blind to actual incompatibilities or warning signs. Psychologist Laurie Betito notes that arranged marriages actually do quite well in terms of relationship satisfaction, and this is because "a spark can build based on what you have in common. You can grow into love, but you grow ''out'' of lust."<ref name="Johnston">{{cite web|last=Johnston|first=Susan|title=No Spark? Give It Another Chance!|url=http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12601/No-Spark-Give-It-Another-Chance/|publisher=Match.com |website=Happen Magazine|accessdate=30 May 2014|archive-date=17 May 2014|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20140517234721/http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12601/No-Spark-Give-It-Another-Chance|url-status=dead }}</ref> [[Neil Clark Warren]] argues that physical chemistry ''is'' important because "couples who don't share strong chemistry may have additional problems during the ups and downs of a life together." Like Betito, he suggests not ruling someone out on the first date due to lack of chemistry. "But", he adds, "if by the second or third date you don't feel a strong inclination to kiss the other person, be near him, or hold his hand, you're probably never going to feel it."<ref name="Warren">{{cite web|last=Warren|first=Neil Clark|title=How long should I wait for chemistry?|url=http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/how-long-should-i-wait-for-chemistry/ |publisher=eHarmony Advice|accessdate=30 May 2014|archive-date=7 September 2015|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20150907004413/http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/how-long-should-i-wait-for-chemistry/|url-status=dead }}</ref> Although this quote assumes the other person is male, the truth of the matter is that the other person may instead be female. [[April Masini]] likewise says that chemistry is a strong predictor of relationship success. She suggests that chemistry comes and goes, and it is important to actively cultivate it because it can help couples deal with future conflicts.<ref name="Mandell">{{cite web|last=Mandell|first=Judy|title=Does Chemistry = Compatibility?|url=http://www.match.com/cp.aspx?cpp=/cppp/magazine/article0.html&articleid=13403|publisher=match.com |website=Happen Magazine |accessdate=30 May 2014|archive-date=4 March 2016|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20160304023242/http://www.match.com/cp.aspx?cpp=%2Fcppp%2Fmagazine%2Farticle0.html&articleid=13403|url-status=dead }}</ref>

=== Complementarity theory===
The model of [[:wikt:complementarity|complementarity]] explains whether "[[:wikt:birds of a feather flock together|birds of a feather flock together]]" or "[[:wikt:opposites attract|opposites attract]]."

Studies show that complementary interaction between two partners increases their attractiveness to each other. Complementary partners preferred closer interpersonal relationship.<ref>{{cite journal | doi = 10.1016/0092-6566(91)90023-J | last1 = Nowicki | first1 = S. Jr. | last2 = Manheim | first2 = S. | year = 1991 | title = Interpersonal complementarity and time of interaction in female relationships | journal = Journal of Research in Personality | volume = 25 | issue = 3| pages = 322–333 }}</ref> Couples who reported the highest level of loving and harmonious relationship were more dissimilar in dominance than couples who scored lower in relationship quality.<ref name=markey2007>{{cite journal | doi = 10.1177/0265407507079241 | last1 = Markey | first1 = P.M. | last2 = Markey | first2 = C. N. | year = 2007 | title = Romantic ideals, romantic obtainment, and relationship experiences: The complementarity of interpersonal traits among romantic partners | journal = [[Journal of Social and Personal Relationships]] | volume = 24 | issue = 4 | pages = 517–533 | s2cid = 8211291 | url = http://bernard.pitzer.edu/~dmoore/2007_MarkeyMarkey_JSPR_complementarity.pdf | access-date = 2018-01-19 | archive-date = 2017-08-09 | archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20170809001610/http://bernard.pitzer.edu/~dmoore/2007_markeymarkey_jspr_complementarity.pdf | url-status = dead }}</ref>

Mathes and Moore (1985) found that people were more attracted to peers approximating to their ideal self than to those who did not. Specifically, low self-esteem individuals appeared more likely to desire a complementary relationship than high self-esteem people.<ref>{{cite journal | last1 = Mathes | first1 = E. W. | last2 = Moore | first2 = C. L. | year = 1985 | title = Reik's complementarily theory of romantic love | journal = [[The Journal of Social Psychology]] | volume = 125 | issue = 3| pages = 321–327 | doi = 10.1080/00224545.1985.9922893 }}</ref> We are attracted to people who complement us because this allows us to maintain our preferred style of behavior,<ref name=markey2007 /> and interaction with someone who complements our own behavior likely confers a sense of self-validation and security.<ref>{{cite book | last=Carson | first=Robert C. | title=Interaction concepts of personality | year=1969 | publisher=Aldine Pub. Co.}}</ref>{{page needed|date=January 2018}}

====Similarity or complementarity====
Principles of similarity and complementarity seem to be contradictory on the surface.<ref>{{cite journal | last1 = Posavac | first1 = E. J. | year = 1971 | title = Dimensions of trait preferences and personality type | journal = Journal of Personality and Social Psychology | volume = 19 | issue = 3| pages = 274–281 | doi=10.1037/h0031467| pmid = 5120018 }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal | doi = 10.1177/0146167298243004 | last1 = Klohnen | first1 = E. C. | last2 = Mendelsohn | first2 = G. A. | year = 1998 | title = Partner Selection for Personality Characteristics: A Couple-Centered Approach | journal = [[Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin]] | volume = 24 | issue = 3| pages = 268–278 | s2cid = 143481185 }}</ref> In fact, they agree on the dimension of warmth. Both principles state that friendly people would prefer friendly partners.<ref name=horowitz1997>{{cite book | last1=M. Horowitz | first1=Leonard | title=Circumplex models of personality and emotions | pages=347–384 | last2=Dryer | first2=Christopher | last3=N. Krasnoperova | first3=Elena | date=1 January 1997 | doi=10.1037/10261-015| isbn=978-1-55798-380-0 }}</ref>

The importance of similarity and complementarity may depend on the stage of the relationship. Similarity seems to carry considerable weight in initial attraction, while complementarity assumes importance as the relationship develops over time.<ref>{{cite journal | last1 = Vinacke | first1 = W. E. | last2 = Shannon | first2 = K. | last3 = Palazzo | first3 = V | last4 = Balsavage | first4 = L. | year = 1988 | title = Similarity and complementarity in intimate couples | journal = Genetic, Social, and General Psychology Monographs | volume = 114 | pages = 51–76 }}</ref> Markey (2007) found that people would be more satisfied with their relationship if their partners differed from them, at least in terms of dominance, as two dominant persons may experience conflicts while two submissive individuals may have frustration as neither take the initiative.<ref name=markey2007 />

Perception and actual behavior might not be congruent with each other. There were cases that dominant people perceived their partners to be similarly dominant, yet to independent observers, the actual behavior of their partner was submissive, i.e. complementary to them.<ref name=horowitz1997 /> Why people perceive their romantic partners to be similar to them despite evidence of the contrary remains unclear.

===Evolutionary theories===
The evolutionary theory of human interpersonal attraction states that opposite-sex attraction most often occurs when someone has physical features indicating that he or she is very fertile. Considering that one primary purpose of conjugal/romantic relationships is reproduction, it would follow that people invest in partners who appear very fertile, increasing the chance of their genes being passed down to the next generation.

Evolutionary theory also suggests that people whose physical features suggest they are healthy are seen as more attractive.<ref>{{Citation|title=Healthy body, healthy face? Evolutionary approaches to attractiveness perception|url=http://dx.doi.org/10.3726/978-3-0351-0826-2/13|work=Culture and Cognition|year=2015|publisher=Peter Lang|doi=10.3726/978-3-0351-0826-2/13|isbn=978-3-0343-1558-6|access-date=2020-09-11|archive-date=2022-01-25|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20220125080053/https://www.peterlang.com/document/1053163|url-status=live}}</ref> The theory suggests that a healthy mate is more likely to possess genetic traits related to health that would be passed on to offspring (known as indirect benefits), and also that a healthier mate may be able to provide better resources and parental investment than less healthy mates (known as direct benefits). People's tendency to consider people with facial symmetry more attractive than those with less symmetrical faces is one example. However, a test was conducted that found that perfectly symmetrical faces were less attractive than normal faces. According to this study, the exact ratio of symmetric to asymmetric facial features depicting the highest attraction is still undetermined.<ref>{{cite journal |title = Asymmetry and Human Facial Attractiveness: Symmetry May not Always be Beautiful |last1 = Swaddle |first1 = John P. |last2 = Cuthill |first2 = Innes C. |journal = [[Proceedings: Biological Sciences]] |issn = 0962-8452 |volume = 261 |issue = 1360 |year = 1995 |pages = 111–16 |doi = 10.1098/rspb.1995.0124 |pmid = 7644543 |jstor = 50054  |bibcode = 1995RSPSB.261..111S |s2cid = 33285473 }}</ref>

It has also been suggested that people are attracted to faces similar to their own as these features serve as cues of kinship. This preference for facial-resemblance is thought to vary across contexts. For example, a study by DeBruine et al. (2008) found that individuals rated faces which had been manipulated to be similar to their own as having more prosocial attributes, but were less likely to find them sexually attractive. These results support "[[inclusive fitness]] theory", which predicts that organisms will help closely related kin over more distant relatives. Results further suggest inherent mate-selective mechanisms that consider costs of inbreeding to offspring health.<ref>{{cite journal | title = Social Perception of Facial Resemblance in Humans | last1 = DeBruine | first1 = Lisa M. | last2 = Jones | first2 = Benedict C. | last3 = Little | first3 = Anthony C. | last4 = Perrett | first4 = David I. | journal = Archives of Sexual Behavior | volume = 37 | issue = 1 | year = 2008 | pages = 64–77 | doi = 10.1007/s10508-007-9266-0| pmid = 18157627 | s2cid = 10772493 }}</ref>

===Increased female attraction to men in relationships===
A 2009 study by Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker found that 59% of women tested were interested in pursuing a relationship with an "ideal" single man (who was, unknown to the women, fictitious).<ref>{{cite news | publisher=[[New Scientist]] | url=https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17619-its-true-all-the-taken-men-are-best.html | title=It's true: all the taken men are best | last=Coghlan | first=Andy | date=17 August 2009 | access-date=1 September 2017 | archive-date=2 June 2015 | archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20150602005218/http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17619-its-true-all-the-taken-men-are-best.html | url-status=live }}</ref> When they believed the "ideal" man was already in a romantic relationship, 90% of the women were interested in a romantic relationship.

===Breaking up===
{{Main|Relationship breakup}}
There are several reasons that a relationship, whether friendly or romantic, may come to an end ([[breakup|break up]]). One reason derives from the [[equity theory]]: if a person in the relationship feels that the personal [[cost–benefit analysis|costs]] of being in the relationship outweigh the rewards there is a strong chance that this person will end the relationship.{{Citation needed|date=July 2011}}