Editing Limerence (section)

==Characteristics==

=== Addiction ===
Limerence has been called an [[addiction]].<ref name="Tennov 1999 x">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=x}}</ref><ref name="mccracken" /> The early stage of [[Romance (love)|romantic love]] is comparable to a [[behavioral addiction]] (i.e. addiction to a non-substance) but the "substance" involved is the loved person.<ref name="tallis-addict">{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=216-218,235}}: "[T]he limerent individual obsesses, idealises and shows high levels of emotional dependency. [...] There are certainly some striking similarities between love and addiction[,] particularly those described by Hite and Tennov. [...] At first, addiction is maintained by pleasure, but the intensity of this pleasure gradually diminishes and the addiction is then maintained by the avoidance of pain. [...] The 'addiction' is to a person, or an experience, not a chemical. [...] [O]ne of the characteristics shared by addicts and lovers is that they both obsess. The addict is always preoccupied by the next 'fix' or 'hit', while the lover is always preoccupied by the beloved. Such obsessions are associated with compulsive urges to seek out what is desired [...]."</ref><ref name="fisher2016" /><ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Grant |first1=Jon |last2=Potenza |first2=Marc |last3=Weinstein |first3=Aviv |last4=Gorelick |first4=David |date=21 June 2010 |title=Introduction to Behavioral Addictions |journal=[[The American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse]] |volume=36 |issue=5 |pages=233–241|doi=10.3109/00952990.2010.491884 |pmid=20560821 |pmc=3164585 }}</ref> A team led by [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] used [[Functional magnetic resonance imaging|fMRI]] to find that people who had "just fallen madly in love" showed activation in an area of the [[brain]] called the [[ventral tegmental area]], which projects [[dopamine]] to other brain areas, while looking at a photograph of their beloved.<ref name="fisher2016" /><ref name="fisher2002" /> This as well as activity in other key areas supports the theory that people in love experience what is called [[incentive salience]] in response to the loved person, which could be a result of [[oxytocin]] activity in motivation pathways in the brain.<ref name=":7">{{Cite journal |last1=Zou |first1=Zhiling |last2=Song |first2=Hongwen |last3=Zhang |first3=Yuting |last4=Zhang |first4=Xiaochu |date=21 September 2016 |title=Romantic Love vs. Drug Addiction May Inspire a New Treatment for Addiction |journal=[[Frontiers in Psychology]] |volume=7 |page=1436 |doi=10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01436 |pmc=5031705 |pmid=27713720 |doi-access=free}}</ref><ref name="fisher2016" /><ref name=":9">{{Cite journal |last1=Bode |first1=Adam |last2=Kavanagh |first2=Phillip S. |date=November 2023 |title=Romantic Love and Behavioral Activation System Sensitivity to a Loved One |journal=Behavioral Sciences |language=en |volume=13 |issue=11 |pages=921 |doi=10.3390/bs13110921 |issn=2076-328X |pmc=10669312 |pmid=37998668 |doi-access=free}}</ref>

Incentive salience is the property by which cues in the environment stand out to a person and become attention-grabbing and attractive, like a "motivational magnet" which pulls a person towards a particular reward.<ref name=":10">{{Cite journal |last1=Berridge |first1=Kent |last2=Robinson |first2=Terry |last3=Aldridge |first3=J. Wayne |date=February 2009 |title=Dissecting components of reward: 'liking', 'wanting', and learning |journal=[[Current Opinion in Pharmacology]] |volume=9 |issue=1 |pages=65–73|doi=10.1016/j.coph.2008.12.014 |pmid=19162544 |pmc=2756052 }}</ref><ref name=":11">{{Cite journal |last1=Berridge |first1=Kent |last2=Robinson |first2=Terry |date=2016 |title=Liking, wanting, and the incentive-sensitization theory of addiction |journal=[[American Psychologist]] |volume=71 |issue=8 |pages=670–679 |doi=10.1037/amp0000059|pmid=27977239 |pmc=5171207 }}</ref> The phenomenon Tennov describes as a loved one taking on a "special meaning" to the person in love is believed to be related to this heightened salience in response to the loved one.<ref name="fisher1998" /><ref name=":9" />

In addiction research, a distinction is also drawn between "wanting" a reward (i.e. incentive salience, tied to [[Mesocorticolimbic circuit|mesocorticolimbic]] dopamine) and "liking" a reward (i.e. pleasure, tied to [[hedonic hotspots]]), aspects which are dissociable.<ref name=":10" /><ref name=":11" /> People can be addicted to drugs and compulsively seek them out, even when taking the drug no longer results in a high or the addiction is detrimental to one's life.<ref name="fisher2016" /> They can also "want" (i.e. feel compelled towards, in the sense of incentive salience) something which they do not [[Cognition|cognitively]] wish for.<ref name=":10" /> In a similar way, people who are in love may "want" a loved person even when interactions with them are not pleasurable. For example, they may want to contact an ex-partner after a rejection, even when the experience will only be painful.<ref name="fisher2016" /> It is also possible for a person to be "in love" with somebody they do not like, or who treats them poorly.<ref name="Hatfield 1985 103–105">{{harvnb|Hatfield|Walster|1985|pp=103–105}}</ref> Fisher's team proposes that romantic love is a "positive addiction" (i.e. not harmful) when requited and a "negative addiction" when unrequited or inappropriate.<ref name="fisher2016" />

In brain scans of long-term romantic love (involving subjects who professed to be "madly" in love, but were together with their partner 10 years or more), attraction similar to early-stage romantic love was associated with dopamine reward center activity ("wanting"), but long-term [[Attachment theory|attachment]] was associated with the [[Globus pallidus|globus palludus]], a site for [[opioid|opiate]] receptors identified as a hedonic hotspot ("liking"). Long-term romantic lovers also showed lower levels of obsession compared to those in the early stage.<ref name=":42">{{Cite journal |last1=Acevedo |first1=Bianca |last2=Aron |first2=Arthur |last3=Fisher |first3=Helen |last4=Brown |first4=Lucy |date=5 January 2011 |title=Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love |url=https://academic.oup.com/scan/article/7/2/145/1622197 |journal=[[Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience]] |volume=7 |issue=2 |pages=145–159 |doi=10.1093/scan/nsq092 |pmc=3277362 |pmid=21208991}}</ref><ref name="acevedo2009" />

For a person in limerence that goes unrequited, the pleasurable aspects tend to diminish over time, with the person becoming lovesick and the addiction being maintained more by avoidance of the pain of separation.<ref name="tallis-addict"/><ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=82-106}}</ref><ref name="thelovedrug"/><ref name="ethnopharma"/>

===Lovesickness===
{{Main|Lovesickness}}
Usually limerence is unrequited, and a horrible experience for the limerent person, even debilitating for some.<ref name="thelovedrug" /><ref name=":19">{{Cite web |last=Meister |first=Sydney |date=18 March 2024 |title=Limerence Is All Over TikTok, but Therapists Say You're Not Getting the Whole Story |url=https://www.purewow.com/wellness/limerence-dating |access-date=24 September 2024 |website=[[PureWow]] |language=en}}</ref> [[Lovesickness]] is a state of mind characterized by [[Drug withdrawal|addictive cravings]], [[frustration]], [[Depression (mood)|depression]], melancholy and [[Intrusive thought|intrusive thinking]].<ref name="ethnopharma" /> In [[Dorothy Tennov|Dorothy Tennov's]] survey group, 42% reported being "severely depressed about a love affair" and 17% said they "often thought of committing [[suicide]]".<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=149}}</ref> Other effects are distraction and self-isolation.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=87,98–99}}</ref> In a 1987 survey by [[Shere Hite]] in which many participants described relationships which were clearly limerent, 69% of married women and 48% of single women "neither liked, nor trusted, being in love", and their responses indicated being in love was mostly distressing. 17% "could no longer take love seriously".<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|p=43,215}}</ref> Fisher's [[Functional magnetic resonance imaging|fMRI]] scans of rejected lovers showed activation in brain areas associated with physical pain, craving and assessing one's gains and losses.<ref name="fisher2016" /> Tennov describes being under the spell herself, saying "Before it happened, I couldn't have imagined it[.] Now, I wouldn't want to have it happen again."<ref name="wapo1990">{{cite news | first = James | last = Brady | title = LOVESICKNESS A CHRONIC CONDITION | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/wellness/1990/02/13/lovesickness-a-chronic-condition/a47356c5-898f-4a2b-98db-f5393c2a78f4/ | format = web | newspaper = [[The Washington Post]] | date = 13 Feb 1990 | access-date = 24 May 2024 | archive-date = 27 August 2017 | archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20170827215958/https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/wellness/1990/02/13/lovesickness-a-chronic-condition/a47356c5-898f-4a2b-98db-f5393c2a78f4/ | url-status = live }}</ref> Some people even described to her incidents of self-injury, but Tennov maintains that limerence on its own is normal and tragedies involve additional factors.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=89–90,149–153,180}}</ref>

The physiological effects of limerence include [[trembling]], [[pallor]], [[Flushing (physiology)|flushing]], [[weakness]], [[sweating]], [[butterflies in the stomach]] and a [[Palpitations|pounding heart]].<ref name="Tennov 1999 49" /><ref name="Fisher 2016 22">{{harvnb|Fisher|2016|p=22}}</ref> According to Tennov, the sensation of limerence is associated primarily with the heart: "When I asked interviewees in the throes of the limerent condition to tell ''where'' they felt the sensation of limerence, they pointed unerringly to the midpoint in their chest. So consistently did this occur that it would seem to be another indication that the state described is indeed limerence [...]."<ref name="Tennov 1999 64">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=64}}</ref>

Lovesickness has been pathologized in previous centuries, but is not currently in the [[ICD-10]], [[International Classification of Primary Care|ICPC]] or [[DSM-5]].<ref name="ethnopharma">{{cite journal | last1 = Leonti | first1 = Marco | last2 = Casu | first2 = Laura | date = 2 July 2018 | title = Ethnopharmacology of Love | journal = [[Frontiers in Psychology]] | volume = 9 | page = 567 | doi = 10.3389/fphar.2018.00567  | doi-access = free | pmid = 30026695 | pmc = 6041438 }}</ref> Author and [[clinical psychologist]] [[Frank Tallis]] has made the argument that all love—even normal love—is largely indistinguishable from mental illness.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=171–172,284}}</ref> There's a debate among academics over whether addiction is really a "true" mental illness, but some forms of addiction are nevertheless treated as one by the [[Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders|DSM]] (for example, [[gambling addiction]]). Some have argued that all romantic love can be considered an addiction, but the lovers described by Tennov and Hite bear a particularly striking resemblance to addicts.<ref name="tallis-addict" /><ref name="ethnopharma" /><ref name="fisher2016" /><ref name=":3" /> However, limerence was not intended to denote an abnormal state and lovesickness is no longer recognized as a medical condition.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=43,53}}</ref>

The symptoms of lovesickness also bear resemblance to many other entries in the DSM.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=53,58}}</ref> For example, when people fall in love, there are four core symptoms: preoccupation, episodes of melancholy, episodes of rapture and instability of mood.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|p=53}}</ref> These correspond with conventional diagnoses of obsessionality (or [[Obsessive–compulsive disorder|OCD]]), [[Depression (mood)|depression]], [[mania]] (or [[hypomania]]) and [[Bipolar disorder|manic depression]].<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=53,55}}</ref> Other examples are physical symptoms similar to [[panic attack]]s ([[Palpitations|pounding heart]], [[Tremor|trembling]], [[shortness of breath]] and [[lightheadedness]]), excessive worry about the future which resembles [[generalized anxiety disorder]], appetite disturbance and sensitivity about one's appearance which resembles [[anorexia nervosa]], and the feeling that life has become a dream which resembles [[derealization]] and [[depersonalization]].<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|p=58}}</ref> [[Bioethics|Bioethicist]] [[Brian Earp]] and colleagues have argued that the voluntary use of anti-love biotechnology (for example, a drug made to cause the person who uses it to fall out of love) could be ethical, but there is currently no drug which is a realistic candidate.<ref name="ethnopharma" /><ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Earp |first1=Brian |last2=Sandberg |first2=Anders |last3=Savulescu |first3=Julian |date=16 September 2016 |title=The Medicalization of Love |url=https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/cambridge-quarterly-of-healthcare-ethics/article/medicalization-of-love/C777F50D65FAE64C7E4825AF8F2EFABE |journal=[[Cambridge Quarterly of Healthcare Ethics]] |volume=25 |issue=4 |pages=759–771 |doi=10.1017/S0963180116000542 |pmid=27634729}}</ref><ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Earp |first1=Brian |last2=Wudarczyk |first2=Olga |last3=Sandberg |first3=Anders |last4=Savulescu |first4=Julian |date=25 October 2013 |title=If I Could Just Stop Loving You: Anti-Love Biotechnology and the Ethics of a Chemical Breakup |journal=[[The American Journal of Bioethics]] |volume=13 |issue=11 |pages=3–17 |doi=10.1080/15265161.2013.839752 |pmc=3898540 |pmid=24161170}}</ref><ref name="refuting">{{cite journal |last1=Langeslag |first1=Sandra |date=2024 |title=Refuting Six Misconceptions about Romantic Love |journal=Behavioral Sciences |volume=14 |issue=5 |page=383 |doi=10.3390/bs14050383 |pmc=11117554 |pmid=38785874 |doi-access=free}}</ref>

There's also a debate about the involuntary nature of romantic love. The notion that [[falling in love]] is an involuntary process is different from the issue of whether one's [[behavior]] can be considered [[Autonomy|autonomous]] while in love.<ref name=":3" /> Tallis argues that love evolved to override rationality so that one finds a lover and reproduces regardless of the personal costs of bearing and raising a child.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=60–86}}</ref> He uses the example of [[Charles Darwin]] who, never being romantic, is said to have sat and made a list of reasons to marry or not to marry.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=60–64}}</ref> Being accustomed to total freedom and worrying about such things as financial austerities that would limit his expenditure on books, Darwin found his reasons not to marry greatly outweighed his reasons to marry.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=63–64}}</ref> However, shortly thereafter Darwin unexpectedly fell in love, suddenly becoming preoccupied with cozy images of married life and thus quickly converting from bachelor to husband.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=64–65}}</ref> Tallis writes:<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2004|pp=85–86}}</ref><blockquote>At first sight, it seems extraordinary that evolutionary forces might conspire to shape something that looks like a mental illness to ensure reproductive success. Yet, there are many reasons why love should have evolved to share with madness several features—the most notable of which is the loss of reason. Like the ancient [[Humorism|humoral]] model of love sickness, evolutionary principles seem to have necessitated a blurring of the distinction between normal and abnormal states. Evolution expects us to love madly, lest we fail to love at all.</blockquote>

According to Tennov, "Love has been called a madness and an affliction at least since the time of the [[ancient Greeks]] and probably earlier than that."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=173}}</ref> Historical accounts of lovesickness attribute it, for example, to being struck by an arrow shot by [[Eros]], to a sickness entering through the eyes (similar to the [[evil eye]]), to an excess of [[black bile]], or to spells, potions and other magic.<ref name="ethnopharma"/> Attempts to treat lovesickness have been made throughout history using a variety of plants, natural products, charms and rituals.<ref name="ethnopharma"/> The first known treatise on lovesickness is ''[[Remedia Amoris]]'', by the poet [[Ovid]].<ref name="ethnopharma"/>

=== Crystallization ===
[[Crystallization (love)|Crystallization]], for Tennov, is the "remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in LO and to avoid dwelling on the negative, even to respond with a compassion for the negative and render it, emotionally if not perceptually, into another positive attribute."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=24,30}}</ref><ref name="fisher1998" /> Tennov borrows the term from the French writer [[Stendhal]] from his 1821 treatise on love, ''De l'Amour'', in which he describes an analogy where a tree branch is tossed into a salt mine. After remaining there for several months, the tree branch (or twig) becomes covered in salt crystals which transform it "into an object of shimmering beauty". In the same way, unattractive characteristics of an LO are given little to no attention so that the LO is seen in the most favorable light.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=29–30}}</ref> One of Tennov's interviewees says:<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=31–32}}</ref><blockquote>Yes I knew he gambled, I knew he sometimes drank too much, and I knew he didn't read a book from one year to the next. ''I knew'' and I didn't know. I knew it but I didn't incorporate it into the overall image. I dwelt on his wavy hair, the way he looked at me, the thought of his driving to work in the morning, his charm (that I believed must surely affect everyone he met), the flowers he sent, the considerations he had shown to my sister's children at the picnic last summer, the feeling I had when we were in close physical contact, the way he mixed a martini, his laugh, the hair on the back of his hand. Okay! I know it's crazy, that my list of 'positives' sounds silly, but those ''are'' the things I think of, remember, and, yes, want back again!</blockquote>This kind of "misperception" or "love is blind" bias<ref name="proximateandultimate" /><ref name="Fisher 2016 21"/> is more often referred to as "idealization",<ref name="Tennov 1999 31">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=31}}</ref> which modern research considers to be a form of [[positive illusions]].<ref name="proximateandultimate" /><ref name="murray1996">{{cite journal |last1=Murray |first1=Sandra |last2=Holmes |first2=John |last3=Griffin |first3=Dale |date=January 1996 |title=The Benefits of Positive Illusions: Idealization and the Construction of Satisfaction in Close Relationships |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.70.1.79 |journal=[[Journal of Personality and Social Psychology]] |volume=70 |issue=1 |pages=79–98 |doi=10.1037/0022-3514.70.1.79|url-access=subscription }}</ref> For example, a 1996 study found that "Individuals were happier in their relationships when they idealized their partners and their partners idealized them."<ref name="murray1996" /> However, Tennov argues against the term "idealization", because she says that it implies that the image seen by the person experiencing romantic passion "is molded to fit a preformed, externally derived, or emotionally needed conception".<ref name="Tennov 1999 31"/> In crystallization, she says, "the actual and existing features of LO merely undergo enhancement."<ref name="Tennov 1999 31"/>{{Paragraph break}}A limerent person may overlook red flags or incompatibilities.<ref name=":16">{{Cite news |last=Pugachevsky |first=Julia |date=17 April 2024 |title=Office crushes are fun, but coworker limerence can be excruciating. Here's what to do about it. |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/limerence-crush-borders-obsession-adhd-autism-2024-4 |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240523194702/https://www.businessinsider.com/limerence-crush-borders-obsession-adhd-autism-2024-4 |archive-date=23 May 2024 |access-date=24 September 2024 |work=[[Business Insider]]}}</ref><ref name=":17">{{Cite news |last=Grainger |first=Charlotte |date=9 April 2024 |title=Limerence Versus Love: What's the Difference? |url=https://www.brides.com/limerence-vs-love-5193245 |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240925210030/https://www.brides.com/limerence-vs-love-5193245 |archive-date=25 September 2024 |access-date=25 September 2024 |work=[[Brides (magazine)|Brides]]}}</ref> Tennov notes that the bias can be an impediment to a limerent person wishing to recover from the condition, as another of her interviewees says:<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=259}}</ref><blockquote>I decided to make a list in block letters of everything about Elsie that I found unpleasant or annoying. It was a very long list. On the other side of the paper, I listed her good points. It was a short list. But it didn't help at all. The good points seemed ''so much more important'', and the bad things, well, in Elsie they weren't so bad, or they were things I felt I could help her with.</blockquote>

===Intrusive thinking and fantasy===
[[Intrusive thought|Intrusive thinking]] is an oft-reported feature of romantic love.<ref name="langeslag2012"/><ref name="proximateandultimate"/><ref name="co-opted"/> Tennov wrote that "Limerence is first and foremost a condition of cognitive obsession."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=33}}</ref> One study found that on average people in love spent 65% of their waking hours thinking about the beloved.<ref name="langeslag2012">{{cite journal |last1=Langeslag |first1=Sandra |last2=Van Der Veen |first2=Frederik |last3=Fekkes |first3=Durk |title=Blood Levels of Serotonin Are Differentially Affected by Romantic Love in Men and Women |journal=Journal of Psychophysiology |year=2012 |volume=26 |issue=2 |pages=92–98 |doi=10.1027/0269-8803/a000071 |hdl=1765/75067 }}</ref> [[Arthur Aron]] says "It is obsessive-compulsive when you're feeling it. It's the center of your life."<ref name="usatoday"/> At the height of obsessive fantasy, people experiencing limerence may spend 85 to nearly 100% of their days and nights doting on the LO, lose ability to focus on other tasks and become easily distracted.<ref name="Fisher 2016 21"/>

A limerent person can spend time fantasizing about future events even if they never come true, as the anticipation on its own yields [[dopamine]].<ref name="mccracken" /> According to Tennov, limerent fantasy is unsatisfactory unless rooted in reality, because the fantasizer may want the fantasy to seem realistic enough to be somewhat possible.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=41,85,86}}</ref> The fantasies can nevertheless be wildly unrealistic, for example, one person related to her an elaborate rescue fantasy in which he saves an LO's 5-year-old cousin from a group of motorcycles only to be bitten by a snake and die in his LO's lap.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=40}}</ref> This fantasizing along with the replaying of actual memories forms a bridge between one's ordinary life and the eventual hoped for moment of consummation. Tennov says that limerent fantasy is "inescapable", something that just "happens" as opposed to something one "does".<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=40–41}}</ref>

One theory of obsessive thinking draws from the parallel with [[drug addiction]]: as the early stage of romantic love is compared to addiction to a person, and drug addicts also exhibit obsessive thinking about drug use.<ref name=":7" /><ref name="tallis-addict"/> Tennov has written that limerent fantasy based in reality "can be conceived as intricate strategy planning".<ref name="Tennov 1999 247"/> In the late 1990s, it had also been speculated that being in love may lower [[serotonin]] levels in the brain, which could cause the intrusive thoughts.<ref name="fisher1998"/><ref name="marazziti">{{cite journal |last1=Marazziti |first1=D. |last2=Akiskal |first2=H. S. |last3=Rossi |first3=A. |last4=Cassano |first4=G. B. |title=Alteration of the platelet serotonin transporter in romantic love |journal=Psychol. Med. |year=1999 |volume=29 |issue=3 |pages=741–745 |pmid=10405096 |doi=10.1017/S0033291798007946 |s2cid=12630172 }}</ref> The serotonin hypothesis is based in part on a comparison to [[obsessive–compulsive disorder]],<ref name="leckmanmayes">{{cite journal |last1=Leckman |first1=James |last2=Mayes |first2=Linda |date=July 1999 |title=Preoccupations and Behaviors Associated with Romantic and Parental Love: Perspectives on the Origin of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder |journal=Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America |volume=8 |issue=3 |pages=635–665 |doi=10.1016/S1056-4993(18)30172-X |pmid=10442234 |doi-access=free}}</ref><ref name="marazziti"/> but the experimental evidence is ambiguous.<ref name="proximateandultimate"/> The experiments have tested blood levels of serotonin, with the first experiment finding lowered serotonin levels, but the second experiment finding that men and women were affected differently.<ref name="proximateandultimate"/><ref name="langeslag2012"/><ref name="marazziti" /> This second experiment found that obsessive thinking was actually associated with increased serotonin levels in women.<ref name="langeslag2012" />

For some people who have a [[fear of intimacy]] or a history of [[Psychological trauma|trauma]], limerent fantasy might be an escape or a means of having what feels like a relationship but without the threat of real intimacy.<ref name=":18">{{Cite news |last=Britten |first=Fleur |date=23 November 2022 |title=What Love Addiction Feels Like |url=https://www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/limerance-experience |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240925211140/https://www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/limerance-experience |archive-date=25 September 2024 |access-date=25 September 2024 |work=[[British Vogue]]}}</ref><ref name=":17" />

=== Fear of rejection ===
Tennov's conception of fear of [[social rejection#Romantic|rejection]] was characterized by nervous feelings and shyness around the limerent object, "worried that your own actions may bring about disaster".<ref name="Tennov 1999 49">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=49}}</ref> [[Awkwardness]], [[stuttering|stammering]], [[confusion]] and [[shyness]] predominate at the behavioral level.<ref name="Tennov 1999 49"/> She quotes the poet [[Sappho]] who writes "Sweat runs down in rivers, a tremor seizes [...] Lost in the love-trance."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=48–49}}</ref> One of Tennov's interviewees, a 28-year-old truck driver, said "It was like what you might call stage fright, like going up in front of an audience. [...] I was awkward as hell."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=49–50}}</ref> Fisher et al. has suggested that fear in the presence of the beloved is caused by elevated levels of [[dopamine]].<ref name="fisher2002"/>

Many of the people Tennov interviewed described being normally confident, but suddenly shy when the limerent object is around, or being only in this state of fear with certain limerent objects but not others.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=51–54}}</ref> Tennov wondered if fear of rejection even serves an evolutionary purpose, by drawing out the courtship process to ensure a greater chance of finding a compatible partner.<ref name="Tennov 1999 247">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=247}}</ref>

=== Uncertainty and hope ===
According to [[Dorothy Tennov]], "uncertainty" is a key element to limerence:<ref name="Tennov 1999 56">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=56}}</ref>

<blockquote>The recognition that some uncertainty must exist has been commented on and complained about by virtually everyone who has undertaken a serious study of the phenomenon of romantic love. Psychologists [[Ellen S. Berscheid|Ellen Bersheid]] and [[Elaine Hatfield|Elaine Walster]] discussed this common observation made, they note, by [[Socrates]], [[Ovid]], the ''[[Kama Sutra]]'', and "[[Dear Abby]]," that the presentation of a hard-to-get as opposed to an immediately yielding exterior is a help in eliciting passion.</blockquote>Rather than being an emotion itself, romantic love is a motivational state which can produce different emotions depending on the situation: positive feelings when things go well and negative feelings when things go awry.<ref name="refuting" /><ref name="fisher1998" /><ref name="fisher2002" /><ref name=":4" /> As one of Tennov's interviewees recalls it, "When I felt [Barry] loved me, I was intensely in love and deliriously happy; when he seemed rejecting, I was still intensely in love, only miserable beyond words."<ref name="Tennov 1999 44">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=24,44-45}}</ref> According to Tennov's theory, the goal of limerence is "oneness" with the LO, i.e. mutual reciprocation or return of feelings, and two elements are required for limerence to develop and intensify: hope and uncertainty. There must be at least some hope that the LO will reciprocate, but uncertainty over LO's true feelings is required for the most intense preoccupation and mood changes to occur.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=x,44-46,54,57,120,218}}</ref> Mutual reciprocation is a matter of perception on the part of the limerent person, therefore Tennov says the goal of limerence is "removing uncertainty" about whether or not the LO reciprocates.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=56,57}}</ref> Limerence then subsides when either 1) all hope of reciprocation is ended, 2) the limerent person enters a relationship with the LO and receives adequate reciprocation or 3) limerence is "transferred" to a different LO.<ref name=":6" />

Uncertainty has been interpreted as [[intermittent reinforcement]]s, which prolong the duration of limerence and keep the brain "hooked" in.<ref name=":5">{{Cite journal |last=Sternberg |first=Robert |date=1987 |title=Liking versus loving: A comparative evaluation of theories |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-07409-001 |journal=[[Psychological Bulletin]] |volume=102 |issue=3 |pages=331–345 |doi=10.1037/0033-2909.102.3.331|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref name="mccracken" /> When people behave inconsistently or contrary to expectations this can spark passion (ecstasy or agony).<ref>{{harvnb|Hatfield|Walster|1985|pp=103-105}}</ref> [[Robert Sternberg]] has written that passionate or infatuated love essentially thrives under these conditions: "Tennov's (1979) analysis suggests that limerence can survive only under conditions in which full development and consummation of love is withheld and in which titillation of one kind or another continues over time. Once the relationship is allowed to develop or once the relationship becomes an utter impossibility, extinction seems to take place."<ref name=":5" /> Hence, [[Judson A. Brewer|Judson Brewer]] characterizes the uncertainty of receiving an occasional message from an LO as "gasoline poured on the fire".<ref name="mccracken" /> "Limerence can live a long life sustained by crumbs," according to Tennov, who compares uncertainty to gambling: "Both gamblers and limerents find reason to hope in wild dreams."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=104–105}}</ref>

Uncertainty can also be introduced by the presence of barriers to a relationship, or what Tennov calls "intensification through adversity".<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=24,56–57}}</ref> The presence of barriers was crucial to the mutual limerence of [[Romeo and Juliet]], hence this is often called "the Romeo and Juliet effect."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=57}}</ref> [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] calls it "frustration attraction", and has suggested that it happens because [[dopamine]] levels increase in the brain when an expected reward is delayed.<ref name="Fisher 2016 21" /><ref>{{harvnb|Fisher|2004|pp=16,161–162}}</ref><ref name="fisher2002" /> Another theory promoted by Fisher is that separation evokes panic and stress, or activation of the [[hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis]].<ref>{{harvnb|Fisher|2004|pp=163–164}}</ref><ref name="Fisher 2016 21–22">{{harvnb|Fisher|2016|pp=21–22}}</ref> According to Tennov, "It is limerence, not love, that increases when lovers are able to meet only infrequently or when there is anger between them."<ref name="Tennov 1999 71" />

One can attempt to extinguish limerence by removing any hope that an LO will reciprocate.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=123,265,267}}</ref><ref name=":6">{{Cite book |last=Tennov |first=Dorothy |title=Sexual Appetite, Desire, and Motivation: Energetics of the Sexual System |date=2001 |publisher=Royal Netherlands Academy of Arts and Sciences |isbn=9789069843056 |pages=111–116 |chapter=Conceptions of Limerence}}</ref> An individual who is the object of unwanted attraction should give the clearest possible rejection to the limerent person, rather than something more ambiguous like "I like you as a friend, but...".<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=267}}</ref>

=== Readiness ===
Some people may have a heightened susceptibility to limerence, a state Tennov calls "readiness", "longing for limerence" or being "in love with love".<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=106–109}}</ref><ref name=":21">{{Cite journal |last=Verhulst |first=Johan |date=1984 |title=Limerence: Notes on the nature and function of passionate love |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1984-31378-001 |journal=Psychoanalysis & Contemporary Thought |volume=7 |issue=1 |pages=115–138}}</ref> This may occur due to biological factors such as adolescence, but also psychological factors like [[loneliness]] and discontent. Sometimes readiness can be so intense that a person falls in love with somebody who only has a minimal appeal.<ref name=":21" />

Shaver and Hazan observed that those suffering from loneliness are more susceptible to limerence,<ref>{{Citation| last1 = Shaver| first1 = Phillip| last2 = Hazan| first2 = Cindy| title = Compatible and Incompatible Relationships| chapter = Incompatibility, Loneliness, and "Limerence"| editor-last = Ickes| editor-first = W.| pages = 163–184| publisher = Springer, New York, NY| date = 1985| doi = 10.1007/978-1-4612-5044-9_8| isbn = 978-1-4612-9538-9}}</ref> arguing that "if people have a large number of unmet social needs, and are not aware of this, then a sign that someone else might be interested is easily built up in that person's imagination into far more than the friendly social contact that it might have been. By dwelling on the memory of that social contact, the lonely person comes to magnify it into a deep emotional experience, which may be quite different from the reality of the event."<ref>{{harvnb|Hayes|2000|p=460}}</ref>

=== Duration ===

Tennov estimates, based on both questionnaire and interview data, that limerence most commonly lasts between 18 months and three years with an average of two years, but may be as short as mere days or as long as a lifetime.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=141–142}}</ref> One woman wrote to Tennov about her mother's limerence which lasted 65 years.<ref name="wapo1990" /> Tennov calls it the worst case when the limerent person cannot get away, because the LO is a coworker or lives nearby.<ref name="wapo1990" /> Limerence can last indefinitely sometimes when it is [[Unrequited love|unrequited]], especially when reciprocation is uncertain. This could be such as when receiving mixed signals from an LO, or because of the [[intermittent reinforcement]] of an LO ignoring the limerent person for awhile and then suddenly calling.<ref name="thelovedrug" /><ref name=":5" /><ref name="mccracken" />

Tennov's estimate of 18 months to 3 years is sometimes used as the normal duration of romantic love.<ref name=":1">{{Cite journal |last1=Marazziti |first1=Donatella |last2=Canale |first2=Domenico |date=2004 |title=Hormonal changes when falling in love |url=https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306453003001616 |journal=[[Psychoneuroendocrinology (journal)|Psychoneuroendocrinology]] |volume=29 |issue=7 |pages=931–936 |doi=10.1016/j.psyneuen.2003.08.006 |pmid=15177709|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref name="proximateandultimate" /> The other common estimate, 12–18 months, comes from Donatella Marazziti's experiment comparing the serotonin levels of people in love with [[Obsessive–compulsive disorder|OCD]] patients.<ref name="fisher2016" /><ref name="marazziti" /> In this experiment, subjects who had fallen in love within the past 6 months (who were in a relationship) were measured to have [[serotonin]] levels which were different from controls, levels which returned to normal after 12–18 months.<ref name="marazziti" />

According to Tennov, ideally limerence will be replaced by another type of love.<ref name=":6" /> In this way, feelings may evolve over the duration of a relationship: "Those whose limerence was replaced by affectional bonding with the same partner might say, 'We were very much in love when we married; today we love each other very much.{{'"}}<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=243}}</ref> The more stable type of love which is usually the characteristic of long-term relationships is commonly called [[companionate love]], [[storge]] or [[Attachment theory|attachment]].<ref name="acevedo2009" /><ref name="4th-dim" /><ref name="fisher2002" />