Editing Limerence (section)

=== Crystallization ===
[[Crystallization (love)|Crystallization]], for Tennov, is the "remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in LO and to avoid dwelling on the negative, even to respond with a compassion for the negative and render it, emotionally if not perceptually, into another positive attribute."<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=24,30}}</ref><ref name="fisher1998" /> Tennov borrows the term from the French writer [[Stendhal]] from his 1821 treatise on love, ''De l'Amour'', in which he describes an analogy where a tree branch is tossed into a salt mine. After remaining there for several months, the tree branch (or twig) becomes covered in salt crystals which transform it "into an object of shimmering beauty". In the same way, unattractive characteristics of an LO are given little to no attention so that the LO is seen in the most favorable light.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=29–30}}</ref> One of Tennov's interviewees says:<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=31–32}}</ref><blockquote>Yes I knew he gambled, I knew he sometimes drank too much, and I knew he didn't read a book from one year to the next. ''I knew'' and I didn't know. I knew it but I didn't incorporate it into the overall image. I dwelt on his wavy hair, the way he looked at me, the thought of his driving to work in the morning, his charm (that I believed must surely affect everyone he met), the flowers he sent, the considerations he had shown to my sister's children at the picnic last summer, the feeling I had when we were in close physical contact, the way he mixed a martini, his laugh, the hair on the back of his hand. Okay! I know it's crazy, that my list of 'positives' sounds silly, but those ''are'' the things I think of, remember, and, yes, want back again!</blockquote>This kind of "misperception" or "love is blind" bias<ref name="proximateandultimate" /><ref name="Fisher 2016 21"/> is more often referred to as "idealization",<ref name="Tennov 1999 31">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=31}}</ref> which modern research considers to be a form of [[positive illusions]].<ref name="proximateandultimate" /><ref name="murray1996">{{cite journal |last1=Murray |first1=Sandra |last2=Holmes |first2=John |last3=Griffin |first3=Dale |date=January 1996 |title=The Benefits of Positive Illusions: Idealization and the Construction of Satisfaction in Close Relationships |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.70.1.79 |journal=[[Journal of Personality and Social Psychology]] |volume=70 |issue=1 |pages=79–98 |doi=10.1037/0022-3514.70.1.79|url-access=subscription }}</ref> For example, a 1996 study found that "Individuals were happier in their relationships when they idealized their partners and their partners idealized them."<ref name="murray1996" /> However, Tennov argues against the term "idealization", because she says that it implies that the image seen by the person experiencing romantic passion "is molded to fit a preformed, externally derived, or emotionally needed conception".<ref name="Tennov 1999 31"/> In crystallization, she says, "the actual and existing features of LO merely undergo enhancement."<ref name="Tennov 1999 31"/>{{Paragraph break}}A limerent person may overlook red flags or incompatibilities.<ref name=":16">{{Cite news |last=Pugachevsky |first=Julia |date=17 April 2024 |title=Office crushes are fun, but coworker limerence can be excruciating. Here's what to do about it. |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/limerence-crush-borders-obsession-adhd-autism-2024-4 |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240523194702/https://www.businessinsider.com/limerence-crush-borders-obsession-adhd-autism-2024-4 |archive-date=23 May 2024 |access-date=24 September 2024 |work=[[Business Insider]]}}</ref><ref name=":17">{{Cite news |last=Grainger |first=Charlotte |date=9 April 2024 |title=Limerence Versus Love: What's the Difference? |url=https://www.brides.com/limerence-vs-love-5193245 |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240925210030/https://www.brides.com/limerence-vs-love-5193245 |archive-date=25 September 2024 |access-date=25 September 2024 |work=[[Brides (magazine)|Brides]]}}</ref> Tennov notes that the bias can be an impediment to a limerent person wishing to recover from the condition, as another of her interviewees says:<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=259}}</ref><blockquote>I decided to make a list in block letters of everything about Elsie that I found unpleasant or annoying. It was a very long list. On the other side of the paper, I listed her good points. It was a short list. But it didn't help at all. The good points seemed ''so much more important'', and the bad things, well, in Elsie they weren't so bad, or they were things I felt I could help her with.</blockquote>