Editing Limerence (section)

== Love regulation ==
Love regulation is "the use of behavioral or cognitive strategies to change the intensity of current feelings of romantic love".<ref name="regulating">{{cite journal |last1=Langeslag |first1=Sandra |last2=van Strien |first2=Jan |date=16 August 2016 |title=Regulation of Romantic Love Feelings: Preconceptions, Strategies, and Feasibility |journal=[[PLOS ONE]] |volume=11 |issue=8 |pages=e0161087 |bibcode=2016PLoSO..1161087L |doi=10.1371/journal.pone.0161087 |pmc=4987042 |pmid=27529751 |doi-access=free |hdl-access=free |hdl=1765/96479}}</ref> For example, looking at pictures of the beloved has been shown to increase feelings of infatuation (i.e. passionate love) and attachment (i.e. companionate love). [[Sandra Langeslag]] notes that it's a common misconception that love feelings are uncontrollable, or even should not be controlled; however studies using [[Electroencephalography|EEG]] and [[psychometrics]] have shown that love regulation is possible and may be useful. In some cases, love feelings may be stronger than desired such as after a breakup, or love feelings may be weaker than desired such as when they decline throughout a long-term relationship.<ref name="refuting" /><ref name="regulating" />

In a technique called cognitive reappraisal, one focuses on positive or negative aspects of the beloved, the relationship, or imagined future scenarios:

* In ''positive'' reappraisal, one focuses on positive qualities of the beloved ("he's kind", "she's spontaneous"), the relationship ("we have so much fun together") or imagined future scenarios ("we'll live happily ever after").<ref name="regulating" /><ref name="valentine" /> Positive reappraisal increases attachment and can increase relationship satisfaction.<ref name="valentine" />
* In ''negative'' reappraisal, one focuses on negative qualities of the beloved ("he's lazy", "she's always late"), the relationship ("we fight a lot") or imagined future scenarios ("he'll cheat on me").<ref name="regulating" /><ref name="valentine">{{cite news |last=Langeslag |first=Sandra |date=12 February 2017 |title=How to Become More (or Less) in Love With Someone, According to a Psychology Professor |url=https://fortune.com/2017/02/12/love-psychology-valentines-day/ |access-date=5 July 2024 |work=[[Forbes]]}}</ref> Negative reappraisal decreases feelings of infatuation and attachment, but decreases mood in the short term. Langeslag has recommended distraction as an antidote to the short-term decrease in mood.<ref name="valentine" /><ref name="times">{{cite news |last=Hope |first=Allison |date=19 April 2022 |title=Can We Fall Out of Love? |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/19/style/falling-out-of-love.html |access-date=5 July 2024 |work=[[The New York Times]]}}</ref>

Preliminary results from a 2024 study of online limerence communities conducted by Langeslag found that negative reappraisal decreased limerence for the study participants.<ref>{{cite AV media |people=[[Sandra Langeslag]] |date=26 October 2024 |title=Limerence: Definition, Experience, and Regulation |url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Kz7HELZvr8 |via=YouTube |work=2024 loveresearch.info Symposium |type=Podcast |language=en |publisher=loveresearch.info |access-date=11 January 2024}}</ref> A therapist named Brandy Wyant has also had her limerent clients list reasons their LO is not perfect, or reasons they and their LO are not compatible.<ref name="mccracken" /> Love regulation doesn't switch feelings on or off immediately, so Langeslag recommends, for example, writing a list of things once a day to feel a lasting change.<ref name="bestway2">{{cite magazine |last=Gregory |first=Andrew |date=29 May 2018 |title=The Best Way To Get Over a Breakup, According to Science |url=https://time.com/5287211/how-to-get-over-a-breakup/ |access-date=5 July 2024 |magazine=[[Time (magazine)|Time]]}}</ref>

Based on the addiction theory of romantic love, [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] and colleagues recommend that rejected lovers remove all reminders of their beloved, such as letters or photos, and avoid contact with the rejecting partner. Reminders can cause cravings which prolong recovery. Fisher et al. also suggests that positive contact with friends could reduce cravings. Rejected lovers should stay busy to distract themselves, and engage in self-expanding activities.<ref name="fisher2016" />