Editing Bob and Ray (section)

==Characters and spoofs==

===Characters===
Elliott and Goulding lent their voices to a variety of recurring characters and countless one-shots, creating a multilayered world that parodied the real-life world of radio broadcasting.  Elliott and Goulding played "Bob" and "Ray", the hosts of an ostensibly serious radio program. Their "staff" (all voiced by Elliott and Goulding) was a comic menagerie of reporters, book reviewers, actors, and all other manner of radio personalities, all of whom interacted with "Bob" and "Ray", as well as with each other. Almost all of these characters had picturesque names, as in one sketch where Bob introduced Ray as one Maitland Q. Montmorency. The guest replied, "My name is John W. Norvis. I have ''terrible'' handwriting."

Recurring characters played by Bob Elliott included:
* Wally Ballou, an inept news reporter, man-on-the-street interviewer, "and winner of 16 diction awards", whose opening transmission almost invariably begins with an "up-cut" with him starting early, before his microphone was live, as in "–ly Ballou here". In one of his broadcasts, he was discovered to have started early on purpose and was chewed out by the location engineer (Ray) for making it look as though the mistake was his.
* Snappy sportscaster Biff Burns ("So until next time, this is Biff Burns saying until next time, this is Biff Burns saying goodnight.")
* Johnny Braddock, another sportscaster, but with an obnoxious streak.
* Tex Blaisdell, a drawling cowboy singer who also did rope tricks on the radio (not to be confused with the real-life comic book artist and editor).
* Arthur Sturdley, an [[Arthur Godfrey]] take-off.
* Harry Backstayge, handsome stage actor and "idol to a million other women" (in the team's parody of radio's ''[[Backstage Wife]]'').
* Pop Beloved, elderly stagehand in the Backstayge stories.
* Kent Lyle Birdley, a wheezing, stammering old-time radio announcer.
* Fred Falvy, "do-it-yourself" handyman, whose projects were usually absurdly expensive and/or utterly impractical – and occasionally illegal.
* One of the McBeeBee twins, either Claude or Clyde, were nonidentical twins who spoke in unison, led by Goulding with Elliott a syllable or two behind him, and always interviewed by Elliott.
* Cyril Gore, a Boris Karloff sound-alike, he often appeared as a butler or doorman; his catchphrase was "Follow me down this cor-ree-dor."
* Peter Gorey, a character similar to Gore, but with a Peter Lorre-type voice, he would typically appear as a news reporter, reading the same gruesome stories ("Three men were run over by a steamroller today...") each time he appeared. Bob and Ray also occasionally played a record of "[[Music! Music! Music!]]", ostensibly sung by Gorey.

Any script calling for a child's voice usually went to Elliott.

Ray Goulding's roster of characters included:
* Mary Backstayge, wife of Harry Backstayge. 
* Webley Webster, mumble-mouthed book reviewer and organ player, whose reviews of historical novels and cookbooks were usually dramatized as seafaring melodramas.
* Calvin Hoogavin (using the same Webley voice), a character in the Mary Backstayge stories.
* Steve Bosco, sportscaster (who signed off with "This is Steve Bosco rounding third, and being thrown out at home", parodying [[Joe Nuxhall]]'s signature sign-off of "the old lefthander rounding third and heading for home").
* Jack Headstrong, the All-American American (satirizing the long-running ''[[Jack Armstrong, the All-American Boy|Jack Armstrong]]'' radio series of juvenile adventures). The serious-voiced Jack was always entrusted with an impossible government mission, and had no patience with any of his friends and advisors ("Quiet, Four-Star General! There's no ''time'' for that now!").
* Artie Schermerhorn, another inept reporter. Sometimes partnered with Wally Ballou, often competing with him, especially when employed by the Finley Quality Network.
* Farm editor Dean Archer Armstead (his low, slurring delivery was unintelligible and punctuated by the sound of his spittle hitting a cuspidor); his theme music was a scratchy piano-lesson record of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm".
* The other McBeeBee twin, either Clyde or Claude. As mentioned above, Goulding would speak first, usually trying to trip up and break up Elliott.
* Charles the Poet, who recited sappy verse (parodying the lugubrious Chicago late-night broadcaster [[Franklyn MacCormack]] and, to a lesser extent, the [[Ernie Kovacs]] character [[Percy Dovetonsils]]) but could never get through a whole example of his pathetic work without breaking down in laughter.
* Professor Groggins, a would-be space traveler who constructs a rocket ship in his backyard, but never successfully launches it.
* Recurring characters such as Matt Neffer, Boy Spot-Welder; failed actor Barry Campbell; crack-voiced reporter Arthur Schrank; Lawrence Fechtenberger, Interstellar Officer Candidate; and all female roles.

While originally employing a falsetto, Goulding generally used the same flat voice for all of his women characters, of which perhaps the best-known was Mary Margaret McGoon (satirizing home-economics expert [[Mary Margaret McBride]]), who offered bizarre recipes for such entrees as "frozen ginger ale salad" and "mock turkey". In 1949, Goulding, as Mary, recorded "I'd Like to Be a Cow in [[Switzerland]]", which soon became a novelty hit and is still occasionally played by the likes of [[Dr. Demento]]. Later, the character was known simply as Mary McGoon. Another female character was Natalie Attired, "radio's Song Sayer" who, instead of singing songs, recited their lyrics to a drumbeat accompaniment.

===Spoofs and parodies===
Spoofs of other radio programs were another staple, including the continuing soap operas "Mary Backstayge, Noble Wife", "One Fella's Family", and "Aunt Penny's Sunlit Kitchen" (which spoofed ''[[Backstage Wife]]'', ''[[One Man's Family]]'', and ''[[Aunt Jenny's Real Life Stories]]'', respectively). "Mary Backstayge" was serialized for such a long period of time that it became better known to many listeners than the show it lampooned. Another soap opera spoof, "Garish Summit" (which Bob and Ray performed during their stint on National Public Radio in the 1980s), recounts the petty squabbles for power among the wealthy family members who own a lead mine.

They also satirized ''[[Mr. Keen, Tracer of Lost Persons]]'' with the continuing parody, "Mr. Trace, Keener than Most Persons". Each Mr. Trace sketch began with a simple plot that soon degenerated into total gibberish where the dialogue was concerned ("Mister Treat, Chaser of Lost Persons", "Thanks for the vote of treedle, Pete") and gunplay ("You... You've shot me!... I'm... dead."). Juvenile adventures were given the satiric treatment: ''Jack Armstrong'' became "Jack Headstrong", and ''[[Tom Corbett, Space Cadet]]'' became "Lawrence Fechtenberger, Interstellar Officer Candidate".

The quiz show "[[Dr. I.Q.]], the Mental Banker" was parodied as "Dr. O.K., the Sentimental Banker". Whereas the real Dr. I.Q. had several assistants with remote microphones, scattered through the audience to select contestants, Dr. O.K. (Bob) had to make do with a single assistant (Ed Sturdley, played by Ray), who eventually became exhausted from running around the theater. Other continuing parodies (both generic and specific) included game shows ("The 64-Cent Question"), children's shows ("Mr. Science", "Tippy the Wonder Dog", "Matt Neffer, Boy Spot-Welding King of the World"), self-help seminars ("Dr. Joyce Dunstable"), and foreign intrigue ("Elmer W. Litzinger, Spy").

In 1959 Bob and Ray launched a successful network radio series for CBS, broadcast from New York, known colloquially by a shortening of Goulding's wry introduction: ''Bob & Ray Present the CBS Radio Network.'' The CBS programming department frequently supplied scripts promoting the network's dramatic and sports shows, but Bob and Ray never read these scripts entirely straight, and would often imitate the character voices heard on these shows. ''[[Gunsmoke]]'' and ''[[Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar]]'' were frequent targets, and ''Johnny Dollar'' inspired a full-fledged parody, "Ace Willoughby, International Detective". In each installment, Willoughby (Ray, doing a letter-perfect impersonation of ''Johnny Dollar'' star [[Bob Bailey (actor)|Bob Bailey]]) traveled around the globe in pursuit of crooks, but always gave up when the crooks found him and kept beating him up. Bob and Ray revisited the Ace Willoughby format a decade later in a parody of the TV detective show ''[[Mannix]]''. Their version, called "Blimmix", featured a dimwitted detective and whatever thug served as the antagonist, with Blimmix being beaten up at the end of each segment.

In addition to parodies of specific programs and genres, many of Elliott and Goulding's sketches turned on the inherent absurdities of reportage and interviewing. One particularly enduring routine cast Elliott as an expert on the [[Komodo dragon]], and Goulding as the dense reporter whose questions trailed behind the information given.<ref>[http://www.mindspring.com/~biohaz/komodo.txt Komodo] {{webarchive |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20070306150711/http://www.mindspring.com/~biohaz/komodo.txt |date=March 6, 2007 }}</ref> Another featured Elliott as the spokesman for the [[Slow Talkers of America]] ("headquarters" in [[Glens Falls, New York]]), whose lengthy pauses between words increasingly frustrate Goulding. The pair performed both of these sketches many times.

Their character known as "The Worst Person in the World" (a reference to ''[[New York (magazine)|New York]]'' magazine theatre critic [[John Simon (critic)|John Simon]], who gave their stage show a negative review) was, many years later, appropriated by MSNBC host Keith Olbermann.

===Commercial parodies===
Commercial parody was a popular forte with Bob and Ray. A typical show would have such "sponsors" as:
* The Monongahela Metal Foundry ("Casting steel ingots with the housewife in mind")
* Einbinder Flypaper ("The brand you've gradually grown to trust over the course of three generations")
* [[Auburn Automobile|The Auburn Motor Car Company]] ("Makers of fine automobiles up to, but not including, 1938")
* [[United States Postal Service|The United States Post Office]] ("Makers and distributors of stamps")
* The Croftweiler Industrial Cartel ("Makers of all sorts of stuff, made out of everything")
* Cool Canadian Air ("Packed fresh every day in the Hudson Bay and shipped to your door")
* Grime ("The magic shortening that spreads like lard")
* [[United States Mint|The United States Mint]] ("One of the nation's leading producers of genuine U.S. currency")
* [[Penuche]] ("With or without nuts, the greatest name in fudge")
* Kretchford Braid and Tassel ("Next time you think of braid or tassel, rush into your neighborhood store and shout, 'Kretchford'!")
* Chocolate Cookies with White Stuff In Between (sponsoring Lawrence Fechtenberger)
* Gerstmeyer's Puppy Kibbles ("The dog food guaranteed to turn any pet into a vicious man-killer"), sponsoring the police-drama spoof ''Squad Car 119''.
* Mushies ("The cereal that gets soggy even without adding milk or cream") sponsored "Tippy the Wonder Dog".
* An unnamed beverage described as "stuff that you pour in a glass and it fizzes up and gets all over your suit and everything".